So what does a birthday mean to you? Well according to Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia "A birthday is a day or anniversary where a person celebrates his or her date of birth. Birthdays are celebrated in numerous cultures, often with a gift, party or rite of passage." So to everyone their birthday means something different. For me, I like to celebrate! I am happy that I have been able to enjoy my family and friends for another year of my life, so celebrating is how I show my thankfulness for that! (Recently though, through the many trials in my life, I feel like this years' birthday is also sad because of who I miss that I don't get to continue to celebrate life with here on earth. Celebrating helps me through the pain too!) So celebrating to me, being a social person, means spending time with as many of the people that are special to me as possible in one day or within a few days! So what is the easiest way to do that...exactly a birthday party! And who better to throw a birthday party the way I like it then me, right?
Well over the years I have been teased by some about how ridiculous it is that I have a birthday party "for myself!" Just this morning my dear wonderful brother commented "I thought throwing yourself a birthday party stopped at 10!" (Later to find out that he sent me that text just because he knew he would get a rise out of me, which worked!!!!) But it got me thinking, am I being selfish for wanting a "party" on my birthday? Aren't birthday's suppose to be a day for that person? Who else are birthdays for except for the person who's day it is??? I mean it is just one day! Is it so horrible that I want to celebrate it and celebrate it with the ones I love???? I mean, I don't expect presents, or singing! Having a cake is nice, but I don't mind bringing my own to share! So no I don't think so, but for some reason it was really bothering me that others did seem to think it was selfish.
I think over the years, I have struggled with this concept of being "too selfish" especially around my birthday and to deal with it I have tried to squander my desires for my birthday and try to be as low key as possible. But this year I finally put some thought into it and realized that everyone is different! LOL Ok so I didn't JUST realize that now, but I finally put it together that because everyone is different, that means everyone handles their birthday differently. Some people want to ignore it, not have it happen or some even want their birthdays to go backwards! So they don't want to celebrate it and they are ok with letting it go by just like any other day. BUT that is not me, that is not the kind of person I am. Does that mean I am more selfish than others, no I don't think so. I think it just means that I am expressing myself the way I want to on my birthday and there is nothing wrong with that!!! And for anyone that knows me at all, you know that I express how I am feeling on just about everything! (trust me not everything, there are some things I keep to myself!) I also realized that I like to celebrate others' birthday's too, even if they don't! I take pride in finding birthday presents for others that I know that they will love and I try to make sure not to forget a birthday of someone close to me! I especially like to sing "Happy Birthday" to the ones I love on their birthday! Unfortunately, if you are close to me and you want to forget your birthday, I probably won't let you, Sorry!
So I will let my brother let his birthday pass by just like any other day for himself (although I certainly will wish him Happy Birthday!) but I am also going to be ok with myself that I like to celebrate my birthday! Luckily as much as my brother likes to harass me, he also made my job of planning my own "party" easier this year by having a Clam/Corn Bake with my family on my birthday! So guess what, I get to have dinner with my whole family who I am closest too on my birthday! I couldn't have done it better myself! Thanks Paul!!! :)
Happy Birthday to me and my 33 wonderful years of learning, growing, enjoying, laughing, crying and just being who I am!!!! Thank you Lord for giving me all that I am and all that I have!!!! :) I am very blessed.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
My first blog
I have followed numerous friends' blogs and thought it was neat how they could write so well what their thoughts and feelings were. I have never thought of myself as a writer, which is ironic b/c most of what I do at my job is writing!
But I have had so many things going on in my life lately, that I feel like my thoughts are spinning and I can't always talk about all of them to everyone. Which, I know what you are thinking is surprising to you because that is what I do...I talk to everyone about what I am thinking. But just imagine if you can that there is more in my head then what comes out of my mouth! SHOCKING, I know right! I have struggled in the past and am struggling right now with those spinning thoughts...and then I wondered...should I blog to help me get out what is in my mind? So here I am trying it. We will see what happens from here.
I had a dream last night...a nice peaceful one that made me feel good when I woke up this morning. Which is unusual right now because most of my dreams have been full of turmoil, anger, frustration, and confrontation. But last night I had a dream that my dear sweet cousin came back to our world from heaven to set things straight. To explain to her family what went wrong. I remember knowing that she was only here with us on earth for a short time before she went back to heaven. (similar to Jesus rising again!) I remember talking to her and apologizing that I was not very close to her as a cousin but that she was dear to me. (As most of my cousins are dear to me in one way or another. ) But she reassured me that she knew I cared. I also asked if she was able to see her family and talk to them and again she reassured me that she had. Unfortunately, I don't remember more specifics about my talk with her, all I remember is I felt at peace after I talked to her. As dreams are strange sometimes...it ended with her driving off in a sporty little car with her hair blowing in the wind and me smiling at her and feeling like all was well.
Does this dream help take all the hurt away with the loss of my cousin or the other losses and trials I am dealing with in life right now, of course not. But it did give me hope. Hope that even though right now I don't feel like moving on with life, even though life around me is moving on, I will eventually move on and slowly heal. God will be with me every step of the way bringing me hope and reassurance. His love given to me through my wonderful family and friends that mean so much to me.
Thank you Lord for continuing to show me hope in these difficult times and giving me the family and friends I need to show me your love and hope.
Well for my first blog...I already feel a little bit better! I might do this more often then I thought! :)
But I have had so many things going on in my life lately, that I feel like my thoughts are spinning and I can't always talk about all of them to everyone. Which, I know what you are thinking is surprising to you because that is what I do...I talk to everyone about what I am thinking. But just imagine if you can that there is more in my head then what comes out of my mouth! SHOCKING, I know right! I have struggled in the past and am struggling right now with those spinning thoughts...and then I wondered...should I blog to help me get out what is in my mind? So here I am trying it. We will see what happens from here.
I had a dream last night...a nice peaceful one that made me feel good when I woke up this morning. Which is unusual right now because most of my dreams have been full of turmoil, anger, frustration, and confrontation. But last night I had a dream that my dear sweet cousin came back to our world from heaven to set things straight. To explain to her family what went wrong. I remember knowing that she was only here with us on earth for a short time before she went back to heaven. (similar to Jesus rising again!) I remember talking to her and apologizing that I was not very close to her as a cousin but that she was dear to me. (As most of my cousins are dear to me in one way or another. ) But she reassured me that she knew I cared. I also asked if she was able to see her family and talk to them and again she reassured me that she had. Unfortunately, I don't remember more specifics about my talk with her, all I remember is I felt at peace after I talked to her. As dreams are strange sometimes...it ended with her driving off in a sporty little car with her hair blowing in the wind and me smiling at her and feeling like all was well.
Does this dream help take all the hurt away with the loss of my cousin or the other losses and trials I am dealing with in life right now, of course not. But it did give me hope. Hope that even though right now I don't feel like moving on with life, even though life around me is moving on, I will eventually move on and slowly heal. God will be with me every step of the way bringing me hope and reassurance. His love given to me through my wonderful family and friends that mean so much to me.
Thank you Lord for continuing to show me hope in these difficult times and giving me the family and friends I need to show me your love and hope.
Well for my first blog...I already feel a little bit better! I might do this more often then I thought! :)
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